How to deal with a hopeless crush

I am particularly prone to crushes. I always have been. I often wonder if others are affected by these ghastly things too and they are just way better at hiding it than me. Maybe I'm way better at hiding it than I think I am. One of my favorite blogger troupes is when an absurd question is asked and a person attempts to solve the problem. I have compiled a list of how I deal with a crush.  This list could make the crush you have worse, better or even disappear. Don't know which. What, you expected me to have all the answers?

• Debate all of the reasons they are so wrong for you.
• Imagine a bizarro world where you get to watch netflix marathons and make out with that person whenever.
• Think about that person doing regularly scheduled activities like clipping their fingernails or pooping.
• Listen to Paramore's crushcrushcrush on repeat, and at a high decibel.
• When you're in a conversation with this person, instead of listening to what they have to say, think about how pizza faced you look because 4 pimples sprouted up this morning out of nowhere, so when they stop talking there's an enormous silence because you definitely were not paying attention.
• Also, another way to not listen when they're talking is by just looking at their lovely face and thinking about how symmetrical/asymmetrical it is.
• Make a pro/con list about the things they've favorited on twitter.
• Remember that there was a time that you didn't even care about this person and they will eventually be replaced by a new crush.
• Since valentine's day is coming up, look at all the snarky bob's burgers valentine's that you could give to your crush if you were actually a couple.
• Try to remember not to do that thing where you're mean to them for no reason.
• When talking to the person, try to not say "so" before every adjective because you sound like an idiot.
• Smile when your friends tell you about the interactions they have with your crush because they know how much you want to know all the details.
• Drink strawberry crush because it is tastier than orange crush.
• Look up crush memes and laugh/cry to yourself.
• Don't play candy crush because that game got lame.
• When you're in the same room with that person, alternate between hanging on their every word and ignoring them.

Follow this list and something will happen. Or nothing.