I'm in higher spirits now

5 things I loved this week:

1. I was able to go back to the shop last week. Which is why I didn't post last Saturday and why this will probably be the last post of this series. I cannot even begin to express the feeling of being able to see my favorite people face to face. Also, I have a hard time finding meaning in my life when I'm not working with my hands on a regular basis and I'm so fucking grateful to have that outlet again.


2. I've started seeing a virtual therapist. I haven't had enough time to really access whether or not it's helped, but even if it's a placebo that's all in my head, I like it so far.


3. I've found an apartment to move in to and as long as things go according to plan, (I'm trying to not get my hopes up, but they're pretty high) I'll sign the lease on Monday.


4. This is kind of a tongue in cheek "I'm lovin' it" but I'm glad that I changed my alarm clock sound to something different to try and wake up earlier and then I slept straight through the new sound. (I actually didn't love that. That was a heavy spoonful of sarcasm for you.)


5. Look at this cool website abgbake.com

I'm in a bad mood

5 things I loved this week:

1.  I love having the biggest paper cut of my life on my middle finger.  I love not knowing where I got it from so I don't even know how to prevent it happening again.


2. I loved being too spineless and slow-thinking to stop the disabled guy that works next to the shop from hugging me. Before the shut down, when he saw me he expected a hug and I never minded because I had nothing to lose. Now, hugs have a different meaning. And I love being ashamed for becoming rigid like a board while he hugged me, instead of being a normal person and saying, hey I don't feel comfortable hugging you. 


3. I love looking for apartments to rent, but not being able to actually rent them because I am unemployed and you have to have proof of employment to rent. I love not knowing where my life is going.


4. I love the helpless feeling of not knowing how to help the ones I love.


5. I love feeling like my closest friend doesn't ever want to be close to me again. I wish I had fought harder at the beginning of this to keep being around them. I had spent every day with them up until that point. If I had it, then they had it. Now it's too late and they're treating me like I'm contaminated. 

I'm sleeping like I'm on 3rd shift

5 things I loved this week:

1.  When I was in college, I bought one of these Under NY Sky aprons for screen printing and one for ceramics and I loved them. Then when the pandemic happened, this company was the first one that sent me an email (because I was already on their email list) about them switching production to mask making. I bought some in black and they fit great, as expected.


2. King of Staten Island came out on demand Friday. I love the idea of all movies coming straight to the internet when they are ready to come out. Pete Davidson reminds me of someone I used to be close with so I have a soft spot for him. I don't know if I would really recommend everyone rent this movie, but it was something to do.


3. Some friends of mine participated in a t-shirt design campaign and my shirt came in the mail today. The print is really lovely in person. This gradient design is an impressive one because of the smallness of the dots, but all of the designs are really beautiful. And it's got a great message.
   
   
   


4. An oral history of Mad Max: Fury Road


5. My pothos is growing a new leaf and I'm pretty happy about it.
   
   
   

honey dijon

This week was a sorry week for finding things to love.

5 things I loved this week:

1.  The movie Late Night -- it's available on amazon prime. I truly adore Emma Thompson's acting and also Mindy Kaling can do no wrong.


2. The book The Hating Game by Sally Thorne -- One of those trope-y romance novels where the main characters hate each other then love each other. Possibly my all time favorite trope. I also love when a grumpy character is soft to one special person. 

The Only Things I Care About Are Food: A Memoir

5 things I loved this week:

1. S'mores
   

   

   
   


2. This website that ranks La Croix flavors in tiers. (My current favorite flavor is watermelon.)


3. These animal cookies.
   
   
   


4. The simple, undeniable beauty of boiled potatoes.


5. Jarritos are super good!
   
   
   

"It’s like I don’t know how to describe my feelings properly anymore. "

5 things I loved this week:

1.  One of the best things that's happened to me recently is when Alice sends me articles from the newspaper that I can't read because there's a paywall. This one's from when Ted was interviewed about sourdough. I hope I don't get sued for this.
   
   
   
   
   
2.  Adore You - Harry Styles ~ I love the story in the video.  I've been emotional about everything lately and this for sure made me teary. The superstition, the outcast, the big fish, the teamwork. 


3. James and the Giant Peach read by Taika Waititi and friends.


4. This beautifully written post by WITH's horn player.


5. I'm so happy for all of Canadian Bakin's success. They had a dope reddit thread recently. I miss baking bread.

Writing to a friend

I listened to a Tim Ferriss video recently (I'm currently obsessed with all things Tim Ferriss) where he talked about how much easier, and better, it was to write his book The 4 Hour Work Week, like he was emailing 2 of his close friends. He communicated through writing more effectively when he wrote directly to his friends.

That's the thing that I have used to write this blog for all these years. I say it all the time to her, maybe to the point of exasperation haha, but Rosh is the person I'm talking to when I'm typing here. At least that's who I try to keep in mind. Sometimes I forget and I'm just talking to myself, but those are still things I would probably say to Roshni anyway. I always like re-reading my writing more when I've written this way. I've usually edited them in a way that's conversational. And I'm nosey as fuck so conversations interest me.

Just a second ago, I finished writing an email to Caleb. I was sending him something from an Austin Kleon newsletter that I thought he'd enjoy. While I was searching through my email to see if I was using his correct email address, I re-discovered some emails from Selina. It's funny to me that this happened because in that thing that I sent Caleb, Kleon links to one of his previous posts called "more search, less feed" and from there he links to a post where he talks about his love of the search box, which I also have a lot of love for. And anyway, that all relates somehow.

I only have a fraction of the email conversations between Selina and I. It's also only the emails I sent. I have a few guesses as to why I only have a few and why they're only the ones I sent, but I don't actually have a true answer. My best guess is that at some point I was on a deletion spree and that was paired with having some feelings about our friendship and rather than dealing with the feelings, I made the emails disappear instead. I don't feel that way now, but time softens everything. I'm thankful to have the emails that I still have. They have a similar feeling to these blog posts. I was writing them to one person, a friend. 

*Notice that this was 13 years ago

*Turns out that everyone owns their firstname lastname email both with and without the '.'

*Reading about my crushes is always so cringe to me. I'm trying to be kind to myself, but god I sound like an idiot.

Because I love comparing and contrasting, here's what I've noticed.

• I used to type differently. For example, "ok" instead of "okay" like I do now(I found this out in the IMs from the email with IMs.). I also used to make a smile like "(:" instead of ":)" and I rarely capitalized my sentences or the letter 'I'. 
• I don't know where I picked it up, but I still love being creative with email sign offs.
• I'm still so weird.