drowning and pretending; dreaming and passing by

I have a cough. But as I have reassured the many people who have commented that I continue to sound worse, I don't actually feel bad. I do feel gross when I'm coughing because it's a "productive" cough and that is the worst.

My internet is so slow and it is really messing with my tumblr browsing and youtube watching. The images won't load faster than I'm scrolling. Everything takes forever. I'll have to look more into it because I cannot stand having slow internet. What if I need to do more important internet things besides scrolling through tumblr?! I mean, I won't, but what if?

I've found out, I think, that my wifi antenna on my computer is probably on the stupidest place on the back of my computer. I don't actually know this for sure because I don't actually know how the technology of computer works. It seems, though, that whenever I'm in slouch position on my bed and I have my leg propped up on my other leg, therefore blocking some sort of mythical technology in the back of my computer, I lose a decent internet connection. I don't like it.



This is a sketch from class today where she wanted us to sketch 20 sketches in ten minutes. (Let me type sketch one more time...) Anyway they were supposed to be about the things my classmates researched and shared. And they could be about anything you visualized while they were talking, or really just actually anything you wanted to draw. She didn't grade them or anything; it was just an exercise.

It was really nice to just let go. Even though I recognize how shitty it is. I need to force myself to draw more often. 

Also, how the heck does a person take a decent picture of a sketchbook? I don't know how to do it yet. Surely, you don't have to have a dslr and a light thing or a freaking iphone. Surely not.

I've been watching so many Jessica Hische talks on youtube and she's cool and a great graphic designer, but I get this vibe from great graphic designers that rubs me the wrong way. It makes me feel like I could never be a graphic designer because I don't feel like I connect to that personality that makes a graphic designer. Not saying I'm not a condescending douchebag sometimes, or that all graphic designers have that personality. I just don't know. I guess I'm still not sure about what I'm good at or what I could do that makes money or what I even want.


It's nice to be loved. But it's also kind of annoying, isn't it? I have to stop myself so often from completely flipping my shit at little well meaning things that my grandmother does. Like whenever I have my laptop out in the living room, she asks "Whatcha doing?" Which I always have a hard time interpreting that in any other way than nosy. That's not nice of me, and I get it. Another example, I needed to go to the bank last night at 7:30 because that's the only free time I had during the day and I needed to put a check in my account (because you can't do anything with a check except put it in the bank and it was driving me crazy just holding this useless paper). She visibly did not want me to leave the house. She says, "There's criminals out there." I had to respond with, "I'm not going to not leave the house because of criminals." I felt really mean. But also rage-y.

School has just started back (a week ago) so now I'll actually have things to post about. It was hard for me to post about interesting thoughts when I had exactly none because I spent 8 days in a row getting up at 3pm and marathoning shows I had seen already. Glamorous. I tend to post more during school because I love to focus on improving my blog when I really should be doing thumbnails or re-reading my notes. Plus, I have social interaction during school times and that usually brings on some noteworthy thoughts and cringeworthy moments.

Be prepared for a run down of the movies from my film class. The films are bound to produce some posts. Probably of me going wtf i dont get it, but maybe I'll glean something from all the critiques I've had to endure and I'll actually describe them in an intellectual way. Well as much as possible.