things I've learned 2017

Let's get things straight here. I'm super great. I'm also a total mess. I had an adventurous year. I also had a hardcore mental breakdown. I travelled to Portland. I moved out. I started graduate school. I quit graduate school. I moved back in with my parents. I accepted a job at a bakery in Anniston. I'm sleeping on friend's couches like a nomad. I feel like I'm doing okay again. 2017 was bonkers.




Things I've learned in 2017:

• Some people will continue loving you(me) even if you’re(I'm) a piece of shit.
• Some people will stop loving you(me) because you’re(I’m) a piece of shit.
• It’s completely necessary, for my brain to stay level headed, to sometimes go all in and surround myself with design and inspiration and live in that, but it’s also necessary to hang out with people(Smells, KC, fam, etc) that have other interests. *It’s so important to diversify where you’re receiving validation.
• Organized tools, cluttered inspiration.
• Before and during graduate school, I didn’t understand the concept that small impacts compound over time to make a big impact. Everybody (EVERYBODY) said “baby steps,” but I did not understand.
• I like to stay busy, but I do not like to be restricted with the things that make me busy.
• Guilt really is an asshole.
• I am in process. I'm an unfinished human and I'm imperfect and I'm okay with myself.
• A shower can temporarily soothe.
• I have a hard time going to sleep and I have a hard time waking up.
• Being nosy is a way to care about things and a way to be curious.
• People notice when you don't post on social media for 3 months.

Things I didn't learn:

• What exactly happened to my brain from August to November. I still feel like I blacked out the night of my birthday and woke up at the end of November. I became a person I didn't recognize and it scares me so bad. I have a lot of embarrassing stories to tell about that time.
• How to repay the kindness and support that friends and family have shown. They didn't have to stand by me during my nonsense, but they did. And they had open arms when I became myself again. They didn't have to be so good, but they continue to be.
• How to escape from a downward existential crisis spiral???
• I read somewhere that “You cannot heal in the same environment where you got sick.” I'm not sure if that is true, but we'll see.