I went to Clairey D's surprise birthday party yesterday. She cried & it was adorable. Kinda made me tear up too. Her friends are totally cool and they were super nice.
Earlier today, I created a facebook event thing about my birthday. It gives me a lot of anxiety, but way less anxiety than if I had actually phoned each person and asked them to come. I only invited 4 dudes out of 12 people & honestly, I think only one will show up. Right before I clicked the create event button, I almost texted the one guy asking if he would be uncomfortable being the only guy & then I was like 'WHO ARE YOU KIDDING, SELF? You don't care about other peoples feelings! It's a day celebrating you & that's all that matters!' so I decided against asking him. I think he'll be okay.
But anyway, back to what I was saying about anxiety, I kind of hate the fact that society (me) has resorted to facebook as a reasonable form of social interaction because it's so impersonal, but I just hate phoning people that I normally only communicate with through text. It's a never-ending battle. Also, getting a notification that somebody is attending your event, is like, the most satisfying. I already have 6 yeses (? I don't know how to plural yes.) & it's only been about 5 hours since I posted. I made reservations for seven people SO someone else better accept. Rosh hasn't yet. She will though, or I'll kick her butt.
All of this turmoil going on in the world just deepens my belief that "it's just not that serious." Is that insensitive? I really respect the idea of living your live day by day, like each one is your last, & making the most of everything because this is the only life you've got. I would love to live that way. I desire to live that way. I don't though. I don't keep my room clean even though it would make me happier to be organized, I'm not conscious of my health, I don't jump at chances. I don't know. I'm probably living a strange combination of the two lifestyles. I'm not very good at looking at my own life & seeing it how it really is. In recent years, I've kind of started viewing myself through blinders, only seeing and remembering things from my life that I'm proud of. When I look in the mirror, the wobbly bits are blurrier and out of focus, but my face always looks good. I like my facial expressions and I hone in on them when I look at myself. I think about how important I am to the universe in lieu of the fact that I am too lazy to get to work on time. I'm not really going anywhere with this point.
I've been on a YA dystopia kick lately. I started reading Lauren Oliver's Delirium today & I already love it. It's about a time in the future where they cure people of the disease "amor deliria nervosa" or the artist formerly know as "love. It's good, but since all of this gay marriage stuff is all up in my social media, all I can think about while reading is, "omg mit romney became prez & kicked out the gays" because gay has not been addressed in the book. Of course, I'm only on page 51 so who knows what will happen in the next 400 pages.
of course, I was going to accept! you just sent the request when I was sleeeping!
ReplyDelete