Occasionally

I have these moments where I'm like, "I'm a total fucking genius."  It's usually a surprise & I'm just left floored by how great I am. Like an epiphany about myself.

For example,
In the seventh grade, Coach G made us create our own country. Mine was awesome, but that's not why I'm so awesome. When my brother was in seventh grade, he also had Coach G. My brother, unfortunately, got all most of my dad's genes, so now he's like border-line mentally challenged. He's not really, but I guess it's hard to know that if you don't know him personally. I'm making fun of him, is what I'm saying. Okay anyway, for this "Create a country" project, you had to make up a national anthem for your country. My bro needed serious help with his so I basically took over & made it. I was going through my files the other day, trying to get rid of shit & I found it. I am brilliant. I can't even.

O Britland 

(To the tune of O Canada) ((Sort of))

O Britland, O Britland

Round the clock, lifeguard stand

O Britland, O Britland

The beaches are vast and grand

Our people are extremely tanned

We use sunscreen, don’t misunderstand

O Britland, O Britland

 Round the clock, lifeguard stand

O Britland, O Britland

How we love this country

O Britland, O Britland

Your couches are extra comfy

Monster contains ginseng extract

Refrigerator is always packed

O Britland, O Britland

How we love this country

Okay so I know that this is mega shitty compared to some people's accomplishments, but for me... this is mega.

Norma Jeane Baker

A phrase

I've always wanted to tell somebody "Fuck you & the horse you rode in on."
If you checked my youtube history then you would see that I just watched George Takei say that to William Shatner & I only watched that for research purposes.

Like, Holy Shit

Why did nobody tell me about god damn spanx?! I'm probably the most self-conscious person on the face of this planet. My belly's too bulgy and my feet are too big and my arms are jiggly and my hair is frizzy, but fucking spanx guys! Seriously.  I love dresses. I really, really do. The only thing is that the cute sundressy types are very thin and you can see ALL the ugly parts, so I tend to buy all sorts of cute dresses, but I never wear them because they make me uncomfortable. But today I found this adorable dress that I just had to have. The only problem was that my bottom half looked all bulgy in the dress. I thought, I wonder if there's such a thing that would instantly make me less bulgy. I mean, ultimately I would like to look like I'm wearing spanx, without actually having to wear spanx, but holy fuck! They are so awesome. So many dresses in my future.

But I'm thinking that spanx will be sticking around for at least a little while longer because I've had a weekend full of binge-ing. G&P are out of town so I've been eating all of the things. ALL OF THE THINGS.

I'm beginning to realize that I'm going to actually have to work this semester to keep my head above water. I'm not drowning yet, but I can feel it creeping. Winter break was so relaxing. I didn't have to constantly remember what I needed to get done. There wasn't anything that I really needed to get done over winter  break. Now I have tons of shit that I have to remember to get done. Sucks.

John Corbett is a super hot older guy.

Also, the title of this blog post is a pun because tomorrow I'm going to church! My jefe has finally worn me down and I'm going to go to her church. I'm hoping that this can be like a "okay, I went, now can we talk about something else please?" But I think maybe I've gotten myself into deeper shit by accepting her daily offer.  I know I talk down on religion here, but in real life, I'm much more blasé. (I had to ask Rosh how to spell blasé & I don't even think I used that correctly to mean what I mean.) 

I'm no stranger to blogging...

But I am very wary of formal blogging.
I've had some form of a blog type thing since the days of Xanga, so as you've probably guessed, I'm more accustomed to posting sentence fragments AND CAPITILIZATING RANDOM THINGS & making up words (capitilizating?) and run-on sentences!!!!! Also, I am used to excessive amounts of punctuation. Anyway, what I'm getting at is, I am not so excited to learn to formally blog. I have to write blog posts for this Alabama Lit class that I'm in. And I'm pretty sure she wants us to write, like, papers. On a blog.
Speaking of excited, my grandmother has already told me that she wants to read every book that we read in class and she wants me to tell her everything that we've discussed in class so that I can discuss it again with her. So yay.

I'm trying to write an intro about myself that doesn't seem too douchey. IT'S SO HARD.

Rosh, read this guy's post. Seriously?!?! How do I follow that?!

Nerdfighteria

This is the overflow room that we bought tickets for because there were a lot of people.

My grandparents came with because they like books.

He still hasn't completed TFIOS

Surprise! Actual Hank in real life!

Also, Actual John in real life!

Awkward pictures! but proof that I met them. I wish I had said hey to the Katherine though(in the far back).

Hank talking to me about his face on my shirt.

Rain.

I had a lot of fun! 

In other cancer news...

Before he went to sit with my aunt N, My Papaw went to his cancer doctor to get the last round of biopsies explained. I overheard all of this from my Grandmother talking to somebody on the phone this morning about it. She would have told me, but when they got home yesterday I was falling asleep in Papaw's chair so I went on to bed. Anyway, Papaw had the test done a few weeks ago to see if things were still okay with his esophagus. The dr. said everything looks really nice in there. No new stuff. He'll have to go back & get another test done in 3 weeks. My grandmother said this, "The doctor said checking again in 3 months was probably overly thorough, but he told us he was just treating him like he would his father or favorite uncle."  Which is really sweet. My grandfather really is the best person. My cousin calls him adorable all the time, which I think is weird but it's probably pretty accurate.

Also, I finished The Fault in Our Stars. It was so very good. I meant to put it down & read it for a few nights, but I couldn't. I just read it straight through. I ugly cried through the whole thing. It was so good though. My favorite of John Green's.

My Great Uncle D

This is my grandfather's sister's husband. He had surgery yesterday on his brain. Not just for fun. He had a fast growing tumor that needed to be removed very quickly. My grandparents went to Bham yesterday to sit with uncle D's wife, N, while he had surgery. The surgery went okay, I think. The doctors think that they removed all of the tumor, but with it being in the brain, there's a lot that's involved. Uncle D had a seizure right after surgery which is not uncommon when dealing with the brain, but it's not good. There's a lot of chemo and radiation to follow.
I'm upset and everything, but I feel like I should be more upset. I'm not sure if it's because of my actual feelings or if it's because I'm living with my overly-emotional grandmother. I know from being around her about 5 days a week for the past year that she is a very emotional person. So in this situation, of course she's super emotional. I know that she's spent more years with him than I have. It makes sense that she is emotional. I'm unsure if she's being appropriately emotional & I'm being under-emotional.
I guess we all deal with things in our own way.

We drew names for Christmas next year for Tootsie's house and everybody is supposed to make something handmade. The idea is that you have a whole year so even if you are not creative, you have plenty of time to make something good. The name I drew was uncle D.

I want to make him this brain hat.

But I don't know if he'll find it funny or mean. Hopefully funny. 

I'm not even considering the option that he won't be here to receive my gift, whatever it may be.

Feels like a Monday

Even though it's Tuesday.

Good mythical morning.

It's probably about a thousand degrees in the office right now. I'm sad that my Jefe is out with her dad today because that means he's not doing so well with his cancer treatments. On the bright side, since she's out I can turn on the air conditioner so that I don't explode.

I have the worst headache. It's right behind my eyeballs & it hurts to keep them open. I didn't get enough sleep, I think. Or maybe it's from caffeine withdrawal.

Day 5 of weight watchers. Weigh in is tomorrow. I don't really feel like I've made any changes yet, aside from the obsessive point tracking. Okay I take that back; yesterday I had 1 ounce of m&ms & it really pissed me off how unsatisfying it was. And it is 4 goddamn points for like 15 m&m's. I just wanted to have another handful and then another. So obviously that's a big problem of mine. Feelings & shit.

I keep reading these success stories from weightwatchers.com & they're inspiring and everything, but they all talk about the same freaking thing. They saw how fat they were in a picture or they went to the doctor and almost had diabetes. They were skeptical at first, but then they saw results, blah blah blah.

Most importantly, I should be receiving The Fault In Our Stars today. :) Yayyy! I'll post a picture of my J scribble this afternoon.

My sleep schedule

is all fucked up.
I'm going to be driving back to Gadsden tomorrow which will suck because I HATE driving and it's already 4AM so that means I'll probably be waking up super late tomorrow & I haven't even packed yet.
4 weeks worth of dirty clothes plus all my Christmas presents need to be put into my car. Buh.
Good news though. I'm super excited about sleeping on my new mattress at G&P's. My mattress here in Madtown is super sucky & it makes me achy. Probably my favorite Christmas present was a new mattress. :)

Is it weird that I'm scared to take my car by myself into a car wash? Gives me anxiety.

So I'm on day 3 of weight watchers & I like it so far. I'm in the phase where I'm just trying to understand what goes into my mouth everyday. I have a massive amount of points right now so it's super easy to eat whatever I want. I'm going to start exercise phase Monday.

Remind me to finish watching United States of Tara.


This is why I'm so turned off by Christians ---> Crazy Drunken Preacher
You know how in elementary school when one person would act like an idiot and everybody in the whole class would lose free seating at lunch privileges? My views on Christianity are like that. One person ruined it.

I'm a big girl now

Literally & figuratively.

'Figuratively' because yesterday was the first time I had been back to the theater since I quit. I had really planned on never going back, but J had already agreed to see New Year's Eve with me on actual new year's eve & that theater was the only theater that was playing a matinee showing. Of course the manager that I made out with for two months &then broke it off with was there & of course the plan for MS to pay for my ticket (so I could just walk around & wait for them behind the concession stand) didn't work out because we didn't talk about it beforehand & we all got confused. So if course I sucked it up & made niceities with the manager I've disliked for the past 2 years. In all seriousness, it wasn't that bad. We were both civil, which was a surprise because I expected him to act like a dick. And now I feel kinda bad about turning the corner behind the concession stand and making a throw up sound, because I know he heard.

'Literally' because I am extremely overweight. I'm actually going to do something about that this year... yay new year's resolutions.

So I stayed home for new year's this year & I can't tell if it's because I'm lame or my friends are. It's fine either way because I had a good time. My brother is at the age where I don't mind hanging out with him.

“Resolution number one: obviously, will lose twenty pounds. Number two: will find nice sensible boyfriend and not continue to form romantic attachments to alcoholics, workaholics, peeping-toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts.”—Bridget Jones

I was going to watch Bridget Jones' Diary yesterday to bring in the new year, cause you know that's how it starts with her new year's resolutions to lose weight & quit smoking & drinking. All I did was discover that my freaking dvd player is broken. Happy new year to me.