Believe in your fucking self

I've just brushed my teeth, flossed, mouthwashed, washed my face, took contacts out, moisturized my face, and cleaned (a tiny part of) my room. I would feel really accomplished about all this, but I've not even started on my typography homework, which is what I should be spending all of my time on. I'm not avoiding it because I hate it; it's because I love it and I know I'll spend too much time on it and it will still look like poop. I am still in that artist's stage in life where everything you try really hard at still sucks AND IT'S REALLY BUMMING ME OUT. I know that this is probably normal and I just have to trudge through to get to a point where I can make something and it looks okay. I'm aware of this and yet it still makes me want to quit.

Back to when I mentioned brushing my teeth and stuff. This probably doesn't seem like any kind of accomplishment to an outsider looking in. This is normal nightly routine stuff. But I am a disgusting shell of a person that previously did not have a nightly routine. I used to just skip all that crap and go to bed. I recently went to the dentist and was told that I have 4 cavities in 2 of my front teeth. They are not huge, in fact they are minuscule, but they apparently will not disappear with vigorous hygiene. I have to get them filled. I didn't think I was that upset about it, but it's obviously something that's been bothering me because I can not stop thinking about it. Like I don't care if they are a little visible, but I don't want them to be super visible because I tend to smile a lot and that could really lessen the effect of my smile. So now I'm trying to be a human adult that flosses and brushes teeth twice a day, so that I don't have any more infractions.
Since I'm already in the bathroom when I'm doing the teeth thing, I figured I should get my face sorted out while I'm in there as well. My face is a mess right now. It's never really been clear since I was 15, but there's been times where it's been less spotty. And really it may have to to with the fact that I just started my period and my hormones are like HAHAHAHAHA I HATE YOU HERE'S SOME PIMPLES. I think this has a lot to do with it because I got pimply about this same time 4 weeks ago and my brother was like, Ew what's up with your face. I remember telling him it was probably just my period and he ran away screaming. By the way, that whole water thing that I said I was going to try is not making any noticeable change in my complexion. My face wash routine is in it's infancy at the moment, meaning that I can't put water on my face without it dripping down my elbows and getting it all over the counter and I can't figure out the right amount of moisturizer to pump because I'm always left with a goopy face and a blob of unused left on my finger. I'm hoping that with time the process will age to perfection like a well-loved book or something else that's old and perfect.


In other news, I still can't find my fucking exacto knife.

Lavender

Things I haven't learned (& I'm not sure who to ask):
What is my style of art? Do I even have one?
How do you find time to create personal art outside of class?
Why do I feel like a poser?
Is it necessary to guilty for wanting to spend some time doing nothing?
Why is sloshed such a fun word to say?
How do I overcome the paralysis of fear?
How long can I be awake and functional?
What am I doing?

business casual

(Moderately) Important Things I've Learned:
Pronounce W's as V's when referring to artists and composers
Be nice
Bluetooth headphones are the greatest invention
Printers are not actually evil
The amount of time given is how much time will be used
Loose lips sink ships
I can handle anything; even poorly handled is still handled
Sleep is to be cherished for it does not come around often enough
InDesign is lame compared to Illustrator, but comparisons shouldn't be made
You will get better at any software that you use everyday, even if you don't try to get better
Deadlines are an unfortunate necessity for me to complete anything
If I do not have a deadline, I will not complete the thing
Although, sometimes even if I do have a deadline, I don't complete the thing so there's no solution
Sometimes I suck at life
Remember to not be discouraged
It's heartbreaking to become close-ish with someone who is moving away soon
I am terrible at bullshitting on the spot
Mincing garlic by hand is not that worth the everlasting fingertip stench
Bye Felicia

Pieces of shit

Everything is dumb and terrible. I mostly had a lovely day today though. I was late to class. The university closed due to weather. I napped for 2.5 hours and it was glorious. I checked off a couple things off my to do list. I made pasta for dinner and I accidentally cooked the garlic bread too long. I watched about 6 episodes of Doctor Who season 2. We are talking about Doctor Who tomorrow in class and I was going to wear my dr. who shirt to class, but then I didn't to want to look like a huge dork. Then I realized I am a huge dork so it's okay. 

The other day, I asked my friend about advice on how to fix oily skin. Because she's a girl and she cares about that kind of crap. She asked if I was drinking enough water and suggested that I drink lots more. Really I had been feeling kind of parched lately and I know I haven't been drinking, but like 1 glass of water a day. I'm not sure how water and oily skin relates, but it's easy and real cheap. I've drank so much water in the last two days. Had to pee so freaking much. 

Here is a thing I made about a fake art exhibition. 

Good intentions

Hey Monday was so great! I actually felt liked and accepted by my peers! I didn't feel like the art dept was so cut throat and vicious! 

Barrow, It's Better Not To Look, 2015

This is a painting I did for Dr. J's class in response to the movie Repo Man, which is an excellent movie by the way. It's the scene near the end when the obnoxious punk gets vaporized. I painted the skeleton with florescent paint and the background with glow in the dark paint so that the whole thing would glow under blacklight. The streaky bits look kinda shitty, but I actually did that on purpose because in the movie the car looks very much like it was painted with glow in the dark paint. When I was watching the movie I knew I could recreate that. I'm going to have to go back in and add more glow in the dark paint though. The unevenness really bothers me. 

I used to hear my classmates talk about artwork that they do just for fun outside of class and I would think, oh shit maybe I'm kidding myself and I'll never be an artist because I didn't have any outside of class pieces. This semester though (and a little bit last semester from Dr. J's class) [Note to self: make a post about AH projects.], I've made a few things that I absolutely loved and would totally have made just for fun outside of class. That Repo Man painting is included in the fun stuff I would actually do in my free time category. It's not Louvre quality, but I love it. It's okay to be shitty at things.