into memory

It's strange how humans mark the passage of time. How a year is significant. I guess it is.

It's been a year. I still think about him every day. I can hear his voice in my head and it still makes my eyes well up.

Aesthetic

Moving Images Update:
The Phantom Carriage, Sjorstrom, 1921 - Oh, silent movies. I fell asleep 2 times whilst trying to watch this one. The only thing I took away was the axe to the door scene was cool and Kubrick must've liked it, too.
Haxan, Christensen, 1922 - Another silent film that I also fell asleep in, even though this one was way more interesting. Lots of nudes.
Goke Body Snatcher From Hell, Sato, 1968 - Subtitled, which is not my favorite. The scene with the blood red sky seemed like I'd seen it before and I found out that Quentin Tarantino made a call back to it in Kill Bill. The practical effects were great. Kind of creepy, but mostly absurd.
Dark Shadows Episodes:  202-212, Hall, 1967 - I had seen a couple of episodes of this before, but I didn't know what was happening. So soapy. I liked it, but not enough to watch 1000 episodes.
Twin Peaks, Lynch, 1990-91 - I'm only on S2E6, but it's great so far. Agent Cooper is my favorite.

Incredible

I posted this article on facebook without comment, because I'm a chicken that is scared that I might get into a stupid comment battle that facebook is known for. But this is what I wanted to say.

Great perspective about young people and "the news" that I absolutely agree with. This article was so incredibly thoughtful. Maybe it's wrong for him to speak for all millennials, but I am one millennial that absolutely agrees.  How do we, as a country, make a more credible source for unbiased information for our citizens? I hate that being cynical is the first response I have to this question. Like, of course there's no was for a news outlet to be unbiased... But why not? Why can't the news just be the news?


I think we humans have a tendency to get bogged down in the negative, but sometimes people are good. And it makes me weepy.

Magical

Went on an adventure today.

The brilliant Olan Rogers opened up a place to gather all of his favorite things to share with all of us and he hosts a fan appreciation night every month where he graciously gives a slice of pizza and a float to every person that wants to come have a good time. This month he invited his pal Mike Falzone to come hang out. And once I found out that Mike Falzone was coming to Nashville, I knew I had to be there. I fucking love Mike Falzone. Since at least 2012.

"Walking is hard and gravity is an asshole" -@mikefalzone
— annabelle barrow (@annabellebearoh) June 19, 2012

So I went.

And there were about a zillion people there.

My baby bro's very nice gf, Bri, holding her float and mine (out of frame). I picked the Expecto Patronum float and it was peanut butter cup flavored and it was delicious. So I have come to terms with the fact that not all floats are disgusting.

Mike Falzone, in the floor, signing Bri's hi top

High eyebrows = high excitement.

I totally geeked out and didn't say anything memorable or even conversation-y, but I never do so I'm not that upset. Very sad that Olan Rogers was sickly and couldn't make it out. I am sending my most vigorous well wishes his way. He really does deserve all of the nicest things and a sickness is just so terrible. All in all, A++++++.

Such is life

For some reason I keep thinking I have less time than I actually have. For example, I kept thinking that I would only have saturday morning to finish finalizing a logo for GD3, but I actually have all night on friday to work on it also. And I can also work on it tomorrow night, while I am catching up on films for class.

Today after class, my friend was like, "There are 3 Hermiones in this class." And I was like, "What?Who?" She said I was and she was and this other girl that sits across the room is. We both agreed that we didn't really want to be Hermiones, but no one else will speak up and sometimes Dr. J just proposes questions that he refuses to answer himself. I can't handle the silence so I speak. And I've found that it generally doesn't matter what you say, but I have noticed that he just wants input from everyone and so I try not to answer every single question. I do answer frequently though and I'm sure he and everybody is like god shut up.

There's a guy in that class with a thick Spanish speaking accent that is sooo lovely to hear and thank goodness Dr. J asks him a lot of questions.

I had to watch this Ted Talk this evening on perception and of course it made a lot of sense. (Most Ted Talks do.) My GD3 teacher wanted us to think about the speech in relation to visual communication, but I can only think about how Dr. J lives for changing student's perceptions. He gave this lecture on Halloween about the history of the devil and how we all immediately think big scary red guy because of a translation that was lacking the breadth of the other language. I'm summarizing, but I think that's the gist. Maybe not everybody thought this, but I definitely wondered what the world would be like if the translators had chosen a different word for the devil. That's probably not the best example of perception changing, but he really does try.

I've just realized that it's 11:15 and I'm totally going to have to stay up all night finishing some sketches. This sucks. But at least now I know NOT to fall asleep.

No Rest For The Wicked

Or: I'm Not Getting As Much Rest As I'd Like


I really want to become a person who doesn't use all of the time allotted to do a thing. I want to become a person that has a project that needs doing and sets aside time to do it and gets it done and moves on to other things. I am more of a use all of my time on one thing until I absolutely have to stop.

I want to have more time to watch FRIENDS and knit and blog and read. I feel guilty whenever I actually do any of those because I'm usually putting off something else. And I rarely feel guilty so it's a pretty big deal.

This semester is just going to be brutal. It is only the 3rd week and I already am behind. Everything graphic design related is so time consuming. And I have no confidence in any of my designs. I need to work twice as hard, but then it takes me 5 times as long and I HAVE NO TIME. (I probably have plenty of time, but I don't know how to mix social with academia in a healthy way.)

I stayed up ALL night (until 6:30am) finishing digitals for a roughs critique for Type. At 6:30am, I decided to close my eyes for thirty minutes before my 8am class and next thing I know it's 8:45am. Needless to say, I did not make it to that class today. I could have I guess, but then I would have been at least an hour and 15 minutes late and then I would have that late to class walk of shame to deal with. I'm an adult and I can do what I want. Now I know that I should not think that I will only sleep for a mere 30 minutes when I've stayed up all night. I should have known better than that

Oh god I have so much to do though. And I keep getting roped into things that I really want to do, but I do not have the capacity to devote time to extra things.

I am in awe of how my classmates seem to keep it together. How do they do it? Do they stay up all night like I seem to? Do they actually work on things instead of writing blog posts? Why am I not trying as hard as everyone else? Why can't I force myself to get it together?


A phrase that has been uttered multiple times by my classmates so far this semester has been "Fake It 'Til You Make It." Only I'm unsure if I'm doing a good job of faking it. I'm thinking no. I'm thinking everybody else can see I'm floundering.

It seems like this is all I ever talk about. My inability to grasp my life. Will I ever get a handle on it? Time will tell, or so they say.

So many questions.

Moving Images Update:
Life of Brian, Jones, 1979 - Very Monty Python.
The Ruling Class, Medak, 1972 - First half was so funny, last half was so not.
The Holy Man, Ray, 1965 - Took me a while to get into it because I was working on something for another class while I was trying to read the subtitles, but it picked up. Einstein was mentioned, so automatic bonus points for that.
Scanners, Cronenberg, 1981 - Lots of cool head explosions. The main guy talks like a robot.
The Evil Dead, Rami, 1981 - Gross tree rape scene. Annoyed me that the stupid group of people wouldn't leave the cabin. Reminded me that I need to watch Cabin In The Woods though.
Repo Man, Cox, 1984 - Favorite so far. Very 80's. Reminiscent of a Pulp Fiction style movie.

drowning and pretending; dreaming and passing by

I have a cough. But as I have reassured the many people who have commented that I continue to sound worse, I don't actually feel bad. I do feel gross when I'm coughing because it's a "productive" cough and that is the worst.

My internet is so slow and it is really messing with my tumblr browsing and youtube watching. The images won't load faster than I'm scrolling. Everything takes forever. I'll have to look more into it because I cannot stand having slow internet. What if I need to do more important internet things besides scrolling through tumblr?! I mean, I won't, but what if?

I've found out, I think, that my wifi antenna on my computer is probably on the stupidest place on the back of my computer. I don't actually know this for sure because I don't actually know how the technology of computer works. It seems, though, that whenever I'm in slouch position on my bed and I have my leg propped up on my other leg, therefore blocking some sort of mythical technology in the back of my computer, I lose a decent internet connection. I don't like it.



This is a sketch from class today where she wanted us to sketch 20 sketches in ten minutes. (Let me type sketch one more time...) Anyway they were supposed to be about the things my classmates researched and shared. And they could be about anything you visualized while they were talking, or really just actually anything you wanted to draw. She didn't grade them or anything; it was just an exercise.

It was really nice to just let go. Even though I recognize how shitty it is. I need to force myself to draw more often. 

Also, how the heck does a person take a decent picture of a sketchbook? I don't know how to do it yet. Surely, you don't have to have a dslr and a light thing or a freaking iphone. Surely not.

I've been watching so many Jessica Hische talks on youtube and she's cool and a great graphic designer, but I get this vibe from great graphic designers that rubs me the wrong way. It makes me feel like I could never be a graphic designer because I don't feel like I connect to that personality that makes a graphic designer. Not saying I'm not a condescending douchebag sometimes, or that all graphic designers have that personality. I just don't know. I guess I'm still not sure about what I'm good at or what I could do that makes money or what I even want.


It's nice to be loved. But it's also kind of annoying, isn't it? I have to stop myself so often from completely flipping my shit at little well meaning things that my grandmother does. Like whenever I have my laptop out in the living room, she asks "Whatcha doing?" Which I always have a hard time interpreting that in any other way than nosy. That's not nice of me, and I get it. Another example, I needed to go to the bank last night at 7:30 because that's the only free time I had during the day and I needed to put a check in my account (because you can't do anything with a check except put it in the bank and it was driving me crazy just holding this useless paper). She visibly did not want me to leave the house. She says, "There's criminals out there." I had to respond with, "I'm not going to not leave the house because of criminals." I felt really mean. But also rage-y.

School has just started back (a week ago) so now I'll actually have things to post about. It was hard for me to post about interesting thoughts when I had exactly none because I spent 8 days in a row getting up at 3pm and marathoning shows I had seen already. Glamorous. I tend to post more during school because I love to focus on improving my blog when I really should be doing thumbnails or re-reading my notes. Plus, I have social interaction during school times and that usually brings on some noteworthy thoughts and cringeworthy moments.

Be prepared for a run down of the movies from my film class. The films are bound to produce some posts. Probably of me going wtf i dont get it, but maybe I'll glean something from all the critiques I've had to endure and I'll actually describe them in an intellectual way. Well as much as possible.

Xmas prezzies

You know how sometimes you say something ironically to be funny and then it morphs into something you actually just say. I first learned about this situation in the Jessica Darling books by Megan McCafferty. I can't remember which one exactly, but it's probably the first one because I've read it about 20 times more than the rest. Her and her boyfriend think it's stupid and terrible to say xmas and then they say it like an inside joke.

Here's the stuff my family gave me for xmas this year! Like I've said before when I post images of material items that I've received, I'm NOT doing it to be, like, an asshole. I'm posting so I can remember what I got for christmas so I can settle arguments between my brother and myself about what we got for christmas and when mam asks, what did you get for christmas last year, which she did this year and I have no idea what I got for christmas in 2013 because I didn't post about it. The only proof of presents from 2013 is a picture of Alexander's keurig. So that helps me none. And now I'm going to post pictures of my presents so that won't really help with arguments in the future. So I'll mention that Alexander's big present this year was a PS4.

Most years that I can remember, my bro and I have gotten a one big present that's obviously more expensive than the others.

Mine this year was a BRAND SPANKING NEW LAPTOP OMG. It's a touch screen and an i7 and it has tons of memory and it has a light up keyboard that I don't really use because I know where all the keys are, but I still appreciate it. The only annoying thing is that it doesn't have a cd thing so I have to plug in an external cd drive when I need to burn a cd. But everything else about it is amazing and beautiful. I cannot wait to cover it in stickers.

This is an awesome thing I got!!! If you know me in real life, and maybe even if you don't, you might know that I choose to surround myself in tshirts. I think my passion in life is tshirts. I have made tshirts since I was really really young. I mostly started out making holiday related shirts to wear to family functions. They were mostly embarrassing, but I have improved since then. Now I have a kit to mass produce tshirts! I'm SO EXCITE, but also a little intimidated so I haven't opened it yet.

Stocking stuff <3 plus a re-gifted calendar that mam got from work. Yay yum.

My mom got me this one line a day 5 year journal and I love how simple it is and I have filled it out since christmas and that's a record for me doing any thing because I hate rituals and I'm also a rebel. My grandmother got me a quotations journal because I asked her to and it's adorable. So far I've only put a Mike Falzone quote in there, but I plan to fill it all up of course. My cuz Jess had my name at christmas and she got me these two awesome movies plus some movie candy and popcorn to pop in their incredibly cool popcorn kettle.

This came in the mail after christmas because it came straight from England probably. It has a hugely satisfying number of pictures. And also the cutest boys on the planet in it.

I got this dope ass sweater on christmas morning. I like this picture because it's the sharpest one of all the billions of pictures we took christmas morning, but I don't like it because it reminds me of those stupid couple photos where they are gazing at each other and that is my little brother ew. I was just in awe of his idiocy. 

All in all, very good. A+

Don't believe me just watch

I think next new year's I want to roast marshmallows and listen to a dope ass playlist that I've compiled. Then I'll invite everybody and have a kickass bash.

My voice today has a sexy raspyness to it and I have absolutely no one to impress with it today.

I want some cereal so very much. We have so much milk in the fridge and no cereal.

This is the cool inventive thing I did to have a desk at my bed. 

Also, did I clean up behind this makeshift desk for this picture? Or did I just move everything to the other side of the room? You'll never know.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I FORGOT ABOUT FRIENDS ON NETFLIX until just now. Now begins the marathon.