I decided a while back that I wouldn't get married if there was a chance that I'd be with that person with 50 years. I had decided this before my grandfather died, but his passing reaffirmed my stance. I don't want to choose to be so tied up with someone that my world is obliterated when they die. This is because I'm selfish of course, but I also don't want to put the other person through that if I go first.
After watching TFIOS on Thursday, it really made me feel like maybe I shouldn't be in a relationship ever. Look at how much heartbreak that is in such a short amount of time. Even though there are so many happy moments, the terrible moments would break me.
I don't want to feel the devastation of loss. That to me, also to Hazel Grace Lancaster, is the worst pain. And no matter how much time you spend with someone, there is an inevitable loss, and it is excruciating. Don't get me wrong, I would want to find my Augustus. I know I'm in no way a Hazel, but I would like my own Gus. I just don't know if the pain is worth it to me.
That being said, I'm currently obsessed with planning my mythical wedding. And I will impart much thanks to my beautiful friend ClaireyD for telling me about offbeat bride.
So take my ideas with a grain of salt.
Back to the subject of TFIOS, I went to The Night Before Our Stars at the Regal in Huntsville. Going alone was okay. I probably would've had more fun going with someone, but it wasn't too bad. People are kind of annoying. I wore my homemade Hazel and Gus shirt and nobody said anything about it, but I think it's because the majority of the people were not my peers and therefore didn't give any flips about my sweet ass shirt. I'll have to take a picture of it to post. It's probably my favorite shirt I've made.
There were a lot of parents and daughters at the theatre, which is understandable, but also weird to me to have to spend lots of hours with.
After the showing of the movie, there was a livestream that featured John Green, Ansel Elgort, Josh Boone, Nat Wolff, Shailene Woodley, and Wyck Godfrey. Alton Brown was a moderator. He must just be from Atlanta and he must've been available on short notice because let me just tell you, he was a terrible moderator. Maybe terrible is too strong, but he definitely wasn't the best. The cast and such there definitely picked up on how crap Alton was at being moderator, but they were all very genial. I friggin love John Green and everything he touches, but this whole movie experience really made the fakeness of hollywood apparent. All of the advertising and press junkets is too much and it's so repetitive. I think that John Green was the only one to try and make his answers unique, even through the monotony. And it's not the actors faults' that they answered with boring answers, John is just a really great writer so it makes sense that he can form eloquent answers to the dumbest of dumb questions. (Sidenote: Seriously, interviewers have the worst questions. It makes me wonder if there's a policy in place where they are only allowed to answer questions pertaining to certain things? Or are the interviewers the ones coming up with these horrible questions? Either way, that is just another one of those things that needs to change about this world.) I just wish that somebody else was the moderator.
I JUST REALIZED WHAT MY OTHER TRAPPED ON AN ISLAND TV SHOW WOULD BE. Definitely My Mad Fat Diary. I feel sad for not thinking about it sooner. Must go re-watch for the 4th time.
