12. Describe a typical day in your current life.

This post could also be titled, "I stayed up until 5am watching youtube videos again."
I wish this were an isolated incident, but I can't truthfully say that it is. For some reason when I get on a playlist of videos that I like and want to watch I can't tear myself away and I can't force myself to sleep. I guess I'm being dramatic. I could actually make myself stop. I just don't.
So this is probably a very typical day.
I always check my phone first thing in the morning. First thing I do when I open my eyes. Sometimes I think I check it in my sleep because the other day I could have sworn that I responded to a tweet one morning and then when I tried to find it later in the day to make sure of no spelling errors, I couldn't find the blasted tweet anywhere. I have to think my brain made it up.
Okay so then I scramble up a clean outfit to wear when I get out of the shower and I take that set into the bathroom with me because I do not walk around naked in my grandparents' house even if the bathroom is three steps from my room. Shower commences. I find that taking a shower in the morning balances my life and brings me peace throughout the onslaught of the day. I fear I will never be a nighttime shower-er.
Next I brush teeth, slather deodorant, don shoes, grab keys, say goodbye, exit house, enter vehicle.
After I've sufficiently piloted my car for approx. 23-26 minutes depending on traffic, I locate and obtain a parking spot labeled silver and I take an elevator ride to the second story of campus where my office building is and I sit. Depending on the needs for the day, sometimes I sit in different parts of the building. Invariably, someone will ask me if I'm taking a summer class. I don't know the right answer to this question because either way I answer, I get the same response, "Oh, cool" which makes me think that it sucks that the only thing people can think to talk to me about is summer classes and damn that's boring. I must be really vile and terrible and boring. Anyway, sometimes when I'm at work I have to stand. That's very rare. I worry about deep vein thrombosis occasionally. Not enough, but some.
Then when the day is done, I return to la casa and I sometimes have to whip up dinner and sometimes not. Sometimes there's a show that's been recorded that needs watching and sometimes not. At some point every night, I retreat to the solace of my bedroom and I watch videos. Sometimes youtube, sometimes not.
Then sometimes I sleep.

That would be an extraordinarily typical day.

I don't know

So here's why Chris Pratt is the perfect dude:

Or maybe the perfect dude for me? He posted this on instagram the other day of, I'm assuming, his wife's hair that he himself french braided. I don't know if I've told anybody else this, but I know I've told my mom about 100 times that all I want is a straight dude that knows how to french braid. Not to mention Chris Pratt is hilarious and an incredible actor and probably a super cool dad to his adorable son. I hope he is genuinely great in real life. And I hope he and Anna Faris are genuinely happy.

I know the old stand by is to say that you shouldn't think about getting a boyfriend because that's what's hindering you from getting one and if you'll forget about it, it'll happen.
Well I partially believe that, but I also believe there are probably other way more significant reasons why I don't have a boyfriend. And also the idea that it'll happen without me seeing it coming really gives me anxiety so I'll just keep thinking about potential boyfriends.

In my head, this is the perfect dude for me:

• French braids.
• Can cook well. Does not have to be classically trained.
• Dark hair and dark eyes. (Because I'm shallow and care about looks kinda.)
• Other than American accent. (Maybe a British man that signs his texts with a cute little 'xx'. Because they do that over there and it makes me swoon.)
• Total geek about some things that I'm a total geek about.
• Reads my blog. (And isn't embarrassed.)
• Not intimidated by me. (Apparently that is a thing I can be/ because I am big and tall.)
• Good-natured and jovial most of the time.
• Has eye crinkles on account of being good-natured and jovial most of the time.
• Likes cats more than dogs.
• Listens to a good amount of the same music, but some differences to keep it interesting.
• Will kill the bugs.
• Loves me enough to get a tattoo dedicated to me. (I would never allow anyone to do that though.)
• Laughs at my jokes.

I watched Austenland today and the love story was so unbelievable that I loved it. I love when the characters are too good to be true and I love it when one of the characters realizes that their love is too good to be true and the other character tries to convince them that it's not and they're actually perfect for each other and everything will be fine. 

And that's all good and fine in the movies, but like if I met an actual guy in actual real life that fit all of these qualities, I'd probably be like whoa stalker get away from me you read my blog and memorized that stupid post I made what do you want I don't have any money.

#tuesday

I always like to have a show that I look forward to every week. The one that I watch the night it comes on instead of waiting until the weekend to catch up. This season it's The Mindy Project. I have watched the episodes since April 1st at least 4 or 5 times. Every single bit of that show is funny to me. All of it. All of the sides. The entire wiener. That joke makes no sense in this context, but I don't care! Look at me not caring! Tonight Mindy said this line that was so one of those, holy-shit-that-is-so-true-I've-thought-that-before-why-have-I-never-said-it-out-loud moments, that are so prevalent in the show. It was when she says, 'Look at her! She's sitting cross-legged on a bar stool! If I tried that, I'd humpty dumpty right off.' Or something relatively close to that. So good.

One of my co-workers asked me to help them out with these bags. The font was definitely not my top choice, but I aim to please.

It's almost like I'm taking horrible pictures intentionally, but I assure you, I'm not. I just suck. I'm actually glad it's so out of focus because then you can't notice the mishaps.

 So the co-worker gave me these bags on thursday of last week and I got them done on friday, but I couldn't take them to her because I had fudged on the bag that says Evan. I had originally thought that it would be good to do black letters, but once I painted it I realized how much it blends in with the blue. The picture below really is not a good example of how much black paint sucks on this color blue.

This picture shows why I will never feel like I could sell things that I make. I always fuck up and have to go buy new materials. I used the bag as a tester after I fucked up. And I still fucked up the new one.

I keep having these reoccurring dreams that take place in an abandoned outlet mall. Sometimes there's zombies, sometimes I'm like a spy, but always the same weird location that I don't recognize in real life. Last night I was at that mall and I had stolen everything from this asian restaurant and put everything out in the parking lot and I got away with it. Then after the restaurant replaced everything and opened up, I went in and ate there as a customer and everybody was very nice to me.

I also have a sore spot in my throat and I'm hoping it's just because my mouth is dry and it's not strep or some crap like that. 

No correlation of this sore throat situation to my dream, I think. Just that I happened to think of those things one right after the other.

Now to end this post with a shirt I made for my bro. He specifically asked for black on dark gray.

I almost forgot to mention the most important thing that happened to me this week! I got my new galaxy s3 in the mail! As previously stated, I bought a new one because I was an idiot to the last one! I would equate the sensation to that of a person who lost their hand in a disgusting accident that was totally their own fault and then they shelled out way too much money and bought a beautiful, much better version of a hand. Having my phone back is just like that.

11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

1. when a blog has a music player that automatically begins when you visit the page and then you have to sort through all your tabs to figure out which one is playing the dumb music
2. saying "I'm bored"
3. not using a blinker to turn
4. scrolling through facebook/twitter/instagram on your phone while we're hanging out. I don't care if you answer a text or look at notifications when you get them, that's fine, but if you're just mindlessly scrolling... come on
5. when the only thing you can do about something is complain, then maybe you shouldn't open your mouth
6. littering
7. not getting into the left turn lane until just right before you're going to turn left. GET IN THE TURN LANE ALREADY!
8. "I could care less" is probably not what you think it means
9. when someone obviously needs to blow their nose, but they haven't done it in a reasonable amount of time
10. leaving the lights on in an empty room that you aren't in

Yes, some of these are irrational. Even dumb, some might say. Unfortunately, this is not all of them that I have. This is a very hostile post and I'm sorry. Sometimes little annoyances make me the craziest.

Lady

Yesterday, I painted my fingers and toes and now I feel like a true lady. Because I never never never paint my fingernails. I have all this nail polish because I have this compulsion to buy new nail polishes whenever I see a pretty one at the store. I never ever wear it. I do not know how to apply it properly to end up with smooth nails. It is the devil.

Also, everything in pictures is a lie because I edited this picture to make it look like I've got some google glass shit going on. (I was going to say "make it look like I'm some kind of camera headed freak", but then I realized that there are cameras you can wear on your head. It's called google glass aND THE FUTURE IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW)

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.

Let me be frank. I intentionally forget embarrassing moments. I do not dwell on them. If I did, I would cringe myself to sleep every night. I have, like, a real life super power where I can push the memories down real deep and if anything ever reminds me of a time when I was embarrassed, I can immediately replace that thought with something awesome that I did that I'm really proud of.
What can I say? It's a talent.