amalgam

You know in Iron Man 3 when that lady bumps into Tony Stark and the audience sees that her eyebrow is all jacked up? That is how I woke up this morning. Also all of my eyelashes were curled up in a weird way.
So that's nice.

I've had all of these lists of things that I've been wanting to get done over the christmas break and I've done none of that except watching Parks and Recreation. Not a total waste.

I was invited to a friend's house this evening and I'm going to go, but I feel very hesitant. I've gained weight and my face is so fluffy and my confidence is just not where I would like for it to be. But hopefully everybody is nice and maybe they won't ask my least favorite questions, which are the ones about what I'm doing with my life. THE ANSWER IS I DON'T KNOW. THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS I DON'T KNOW. Maybe I'll give different answers to every person that asks to make it more fun.

Stay tuned for a post about what I got for christmas. #america

Michael Aranda is a lovely human

This video features a cameo by MY BLOG NAME! He mentions tvtropes.org in the video and that's 2 above my blog! It's all very exciting. He's my favorite.

The other word for jelly

Sidekick
Blank Space
Bad Habit
Steal My Girl
Budapest



Sometimes it's nice to just immerse yourself in your favorite songs.

TALKING IS HARD dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

My favorite band in the world released their album today and it's the best and I'm so excited.

WTM even wrote out their lyrics to TALKING IS HARD and they are so dang beautiful. That one up there for UP 2 U is my favorite written one, but not necessarily my favorite song from the album. Different colors is stuck in my head right now so I'll go with that as top favorite.

I pre-ordered the album when they announced the SUAD tour and I had it sent to Madison (hence the snapchats above) and now I have to wait until this weekend to actually touch it.

Rubbish

Today was so rough. Nothing in particular was terrible. It was the combination of the whole day.

At least I have something to look forward to again. Going to see Walk the Moon in April. They are finally playing on a Saturday! It's sad that this is the only thing I find myself caring about lately. I haven't been able to care about anything of substance in a very long time. But I mean, music is life so.

My coworkers and I are moving buildings soon. I'm going to see Mr. Handsomepants more and I'm ultra nervous about it. I'm a pro at unintentionally making things uncomfortably weird. It's going to happen, but maybe not too soon.

The important part happens at 4:02 in this video.

There's this guy in my eng lit class and he was talking about Grace Helbig the other day before class and the funny part is his name is Brad and he actually is kind of a douche.

I want to see Big Hero 6 so much.

say my name

I have nothing to talk about except for my AH class. That is the only thing I like in my life right now. I'm lame. I'm going to try to make up some stuff to say though.

There's a guy in one of my classes that wears his hair in a bun and it's very hot(I hate using hot as a description. 'Attractive' feels insincere though.). I refuse to call it a man bun though, despite that term's recent popularity. Why can't it just be a bun? Men and women can have buns. So many buzzfeed lists about 'man buns.' That hairstyle just looks so bohemian on a man. Is that word offensive? I hope not. I think it has something to do with an art movement. And y'all know how I feel about art. <3



As much as I talk about my favorite professor, I think that he probably doesn't even know my name. And that really messes me up. I don't know why that affects me, but it's kind of important to me. People remembering my name is a continual insecurity of mine. I don't know. That's some psychological shit about me, just for you. I mean, he probably does know my name. I'm famous.

I think maybe I should get some angry orchard soon.

This morning when I was in the shower, I had this freaky pain in the back of my throat. It was a combination of the pain I remember from having strep throat combined with a different pain that I couldn't explain. Just hurt. I'm happy to report that it did not affect me for very long. I always do this thing where I have a pain and it worries me and then I forget about it and I guess it goes away. Why brain, why?

There's this guy that works in the mail center at school and sometimes at lunch he does karate moves right outside our office window. I stare at him hardcore when he's out there and if he's noticed, he doesn't seem to care. I love it. It's one of my favorite parts of the day. I'm going to be so sad when we have to change office buildings.

I promised myself all day that I'd go to bed early and then look at what time it is. The internet happened. I've found a new podcast to listen to.

whoa I'm so good at words

Every time I see this, I keep thinking it says "let's make out." Not to brag (except yes I am), but I met them and two of the band members liked our (Smells and my) picture on instagram. So I've pretty much made it. #Annabelle #isFamous

I could eat thai food everyday. I've made this decision this evening. All the ingredients I love are in there. Basil. Ginger. Rice noodles. Plus other stuff.

In AH today, Dr. J discussed (I don't say 'we' because almost no one talks unless Dr. J refuses to talk) ownership and Duchamp and what we think the most important piece of artwork is. "Come on, the apocalypse is happening, decide which piece are you going to save and put on your spaceship." I chose "anything from Van Gogh" and now I'm not so sure. Those on the spot decisions really bother me. I want to be able to ponder. I want to make a researched decision. I probably would still pick Van Gogh, but maybe not?

I really like Duchamp. Everything that I learned about him today felt like the reasons why I love art so much. I like the weird kind. Academic art is great and I have tons of respect for those artists. I just like the weird stuff better.

where is your posture

Okay one last thing from the portfolio review that I want to remember. Mr. A was the last professor to see me and he was really very nice which is so cool because I'm such a slacker in his class. He said something like, "Dang, you can compose the hell out of some stuff."

I keep talking about how I wish I was more intelligent and more witty. I do want those things. I also want to remember that being nice is most important. "The people that you will love the most in your life are the ones who are just... nice." - Michael Aranda

This is why I love google and also why I'm the best at google.

You'll notice what I googled. I was trying to figure out this song that I have stuck in my head from hearing it in the background of a youtube video and I only had the high igh igh igh igh part to go off of. The first results were all rap lyrics and I didn't want to look too hard so I sorted by year because I knew the song was recent and then the first 3 results were the one I wanted. Booyah.

Is it hipster of me to have a touch more respect for a band if they don't have VEVO attached to their youtube channel? And yes, I know that Walk the Moon has VEVO attached to their name... That's okay. They're still my favorite. Vevo just feels like 'the man' taking over. What even is VEVO? I shouldn't be so hateful. Good for those bands because Vevo is probably helping them become more successful.

my guts my guuuts

I have been super stressed out lately and I haven't been able to catch up on my favorite form of entertainment. I was able to do that this weekend though. I'm in love with Bee and Puppycat. That humor is my jam, I hope they don't just stop at 2 episodes, but I haven't been able to find out when another episode will air.

Did you know that Sia doesn't show her face when she's performing? She doesn't want to be famous, yet she performs. I don't get it, but I like how weird it is.

So I forgot to mention when I was talking about the portfolio review that one of the professors said he couldn't tell by the work I had displayed if I would be any good at being a graphic designer. He also said some other stuff that was kind of harsh. I was left with a sort of "WHAT THE HELL AM  I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW I AM NOT GOOD AT ANYTHING ELSE" feeling. I mean, I know that I'm not great at graphic design, but I'm not especially good at any other of our art concentrations available, but I'm WAY better at art than any of the other majors I've tried. So I don't know. If he gave me a bad rating and I haven't passed the review, what am I going to do? Also, I'll be in college forever.
I lied when I said I wouldn't talk about it anymore.

Hufflepuff

I was just reading this Mental floss article and this part is something I wish I could do:
"[...] the best way to initiate conversation would be by declaring something impersonal, interesting, and educated. Greet a new person, shake hands, and declare, "I am fond of potatoes, which the French call 'apples of the earth'." See where that takes you."

 I had portfolio review today and I've talked excessively about it for the past 2 weeks so I'm not going to say anymore except to mention this funny thing G said. So I had invited all of the co-workers that I ran into this morning to come to the open viewing and my fav married co-worker friend AH was down there so I invited him. So I had a bunch of co-workers and my grandmother there to see my work and also to give me a little pep talk before the professors came in. Fast forward to this evening when I got home. G mentions the people I invited and she asks who all the men were. I told her which guy AH was and I was like, I adore him so I'm glad he came. And she was like,"Is he married? Because he was cute. I liked him a lot and I think we could marry him off!" The grandmother stamp of approval is pretty high praise.

When I opened up my laptop this evening, I noticed all of my default fonts are weird. I have no idea what happened or if I changed it in my sleep or something. Or maybe the latest windows update changed it? Or maybe I'm seeing a change where there isn't one? I don't know. It's real weird though.

style not sentiment

A thing that keeps happening to me is that I forget which direction is up and down when I'm using scrolling on my laptop. Don't think it's early dementia. Pretty sure it's because a couple of days out of the week I use a macbook at work. For some reason, the almighty apple decided that the opposite way to scroll is better. It's pretty annoying and I can't imagine that there is a good reason for this except to be finicky. I should probably google how to change it because it's annoyed me enough to want to post about it.

We watched an Italian Futurist movie in AH and at the end our prof asked what we thought, of course, and I was expecting the question so throughout the movie I kept telling myself, "What is happening because you know he's going to want to talk about it after." As a whole, I found the movie hard to follow and I was surprised to discover that my classmates totally got it and they thought it was sad and profound and stuff. I thought the main character was a closet lesbian that has a violent relationship with a man and then she has a baby and she almost throws her baby over a bridge, but she doesn't and then she's homeless and this nice old man with a hella nice mustache shares his bread with her and she's like nah, but then he shares half a slice of pepperoni with her and she's like cool I can dig it and then she beats her baby's father with a brick. Also, cats. There were some cats just hanging out.

I guess you had to be there.

Stating the facts

Today when I was at lunch with K, a really really really REALLY cute boy walked by us and smiled so big and said, "Hey, I like your hair." I hope he was talking to me because I said thank you. He made eye contact with me so I just have to think that he was directing that at me. I was right in the middle of telling a story to K and when he spoke, I was totally dumbfounded and could not remember what I was saying. I was thinking he was doing that thing you see in movies where a guy is nice to the ugly, fat friend to get in good graces with the pretty girl (K). Like, that was my gut instinct. It's not that deep; I know it. He simply liked my purple streak and wanted to say something. That's it. K was like, "if it's meant to be, it will be." Like she is some kind of fortune teller, haha. I promise I will never see that person ever again. But I can't help thinking about it over and over.
K and I went up to my office area and told P and M about that little interaction. M is pretty much the most clever and witty person alive and said that I should've responded,
"Hey, I like your face."
I MEAN COME ON how perfect. I would have never thought of that, but I love it.
I'm too boy crazy. It's not cool to be this way. I'm too much. I'm too eager to be loved by a normal cute boy that doesn't ask me for nudes and will hold my hand in public and kiss my cheek and has dreams and goals and also has great shoes. K was trying to give me some tips at lunch today, but I'm probably hopeless.

I had a dream about this youtuber last night.

We were dating and he came over to my house in Madison, and we went to my room, but it wasn't really my room. It was like a version of my room. It was messy and empty at the same time, I was rushing around my room and I was making my bed and I had these gray bed sheets(that I don't actually have in real life) and he wanted to watch spiderman 2, but I had lied about owning it. Then I woke up.


Maybe I'll be less superficial at some point, but this is my life now.

shut up and dance

ABOUT A MONTH UNTIL WALK THE MOONNNNNNNNNN


Guess how many times I've watched the two newest episodes of The Mindy Project. 7. And I'm about to watch "Annette Castellano Is My Nemesis" again, after I finish this podcast about Joe Bereta that I'm listening to.


This is a wordmark sketch from class. I'm not sure if I accomplished it this successfully, but I like it. I might move the 'gorey' somewhere else.

I so want to be a morning person. I have to go to sleep now so I can wake up early. Oh shoot I forgot I was going to watch Mindy. Just 20 more minutes.

weirds

I routinely try to make a conscious effort to post more on twitter, but when I think of something, I'm usually like nah I'll just put it on my blog. I like to save all of my awkward thoughts and spew them out here in one go so I can elaborate if I want.

For example, here's a gem that is exclusively on this blog, unless I decided to also put it on twitter, but that probably won't happen: Sweater fuzz is the bane of my existence.

I just want to wear my oversized sweater and look classy and warm and cuddly, but I mostly just look like a homely, sad, frumpy person.

Speaking of sweaters, I love them and I can't wait for it to be chilly weather to wear one at all times.

It's absurd how cold it is in my office building and in my AH class. It's like winter indoors.

That Tears For Fears song, Everybody Wants To Rule The World is a really good song that the stupid show the Voice reminded me of. The song's just so good, but when I looked it up on youtube it feels like something's missing from the song. But I think I could be miss-remembering. Is it in the Wedding singer or something? What movie have I seen that it's in? I don't know.

I spent my hard(well kind of) earned money on something so dumb and awesome last week! I bought a glass waterbottle! I know! Seems dumb! But it's just so cool. It tricks me into thinking I'm a healthy person that drinks an adequate amount of water. Also, I think I could use it to protect myself if I ever needed to in a pinch because it is so weighty. I am constantly refilling it because I love it and I want it to become an extension of my arm. That is a double edged sword though because it makes me have to pee every hour. I got up to pee last night at 1am and my getting up must have disturbed G because she came in my room to see if I was sick because it was so late(ha... late). Having to pee so often also makes me have those dreams where I'm already in the bathroom and it really freaks me out.

Sometimes I have to just leave tumblr. My feed is escalating out of control about all of the world's issues. There's never enough Sorted Food gifs.

14. Describe 5 strengths you have.

• I can pretend to be brave when it's really important.
• I'm not a particularly judgmental person.
• My demeanor tends to be an open one and that can make me seem approachable.
• I am hopeful like a baby. (I couldn't think of a great simile for this.)
• My advice is so sage. It's probably the sagest advice of all time.

ciento preguntas

I slept allllll day so I'm up all night doing homework that I put off til the last minute. Now I'm taking a break to answer these dumb questions that no one cares about but me.


1: Is there a boy/girl in your life? There are so many. Oh you mean romanitcally? No.

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? Sure.

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” Cats.

4: What’s something you really want right now? A cute boy to flirty text with.

5: Are you afraid of falling in love? Ah no.

6: Do you like the beach? I do.

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? Yeah. Plenty.

8: What’s the background on your cell?

It's a boy shhhhhh

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on? Mine's, my mom's, my grandmother's, my cousin's. Scandalous.

10: Do you like your phone? Yes.

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned? Sure.

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? Karrie.

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? Rottweiler because it makes me think of that 3oh3 song choke chain. 

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?  A person doesn't DIE from emotional pain. Plus I'm more afraid of physical pain so I'll go with that.

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? Art museum x 10billion.

16: Are you tired? Nope.

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact? Like in alphabetical order? I've known him for 2 years.

18: Are they a relative? No.

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? Ummm I don't know. It would take a lot.

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? I last talked to him Saturday morning, but kissed him a long time ago.

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? Yeah, let's go.

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Ummmm

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? Zero.

24: Is there a certain quote you live by? "Be soft."

25: What’s on your mind? Homework, my uterus, breakfast, exercising, a dude, cookies.

26: Do you have any tattoos? Yes, 2.

27: What is your favorite color? Bloo.

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? There's no way for me to know that. Probably never.

29: Who are you texting? My last text was 3 hours ago.

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? Ummm. Probably yes.

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? Yes, because I am a psychic.

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yes.

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you? No.

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? Yes.

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you, what would you do? Clap.

36: Were you single on Valentines Day? Yes.

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed? Yes.

38: What do your friends call you? Annabelle.

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week? Kind of.

40: Have you ever cried over a text? No.

41: Where’s your last bruise located? My knee.

42: What is it from? I think I hit it on my car door.

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? What does that even mean.

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with? My bawse.

45: Do you have a favorite pair of shoes? Yes.

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? No.

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style? Ah no. Maybe.

48: Do you make supper for your family? Yep.

49: Does your bedroom have a door? Um yes. 

50: Top 3 web-pages? Tumblr, Youtube, Gmail.

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping? Probably. That's not a huge topic of conversation.

52: Does anything on your body hurt? My head hurts a little.

53: Are goodbyes hard for you? I guess?

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? Sunkist.

55: How is your hair? Bad.

56: What do you usually do first in the morning? Look at the time.

57: Do you think two people can last forever? No because death.

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single? Umm probably yes.

59: Green or purple grapes? I really like the purple ones.

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? Hard to say.

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? Not really. My bed is pretty nice.

62: When will be the next time you text someone? Hard to say.

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now? Jacksonville.

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning? It hasn't been that time of day yet.

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked? Uhhh... no.

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? Sure.

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today? Not as of yet.

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Haven't been to bed yet.

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? No.

70: How many windows are open on your computer? 6.

71: How many fingers do you have? The usual amount.

72: What is your ringtone? Shut up and dance.

73: How old will you be in 5 months? 23.

74: Where is your Mom right now? Umm could be at home or work.

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? It didn't work out.

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No.

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? Mostly.

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in 7th grade? No.

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? I don't know him really, but Mike Huttlestone.

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? Possibly.

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months? I don't even know.

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? No.

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? I wish! But it's highly doubtful.

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? Wow. A stranger probably.

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care? Yes, actually. I'm not a huge buzzkill, but I think drugs are boring.

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? I think I got in for free. 

87: Who was your last received call from? My boss.

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? Ew. Probably not. I hate butterflies so I don't even want to be near one long enough to burn it.

89: What is something you wish you had more of? Money. Will power. Self control.

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much? Probably yes.

91: Do you sleep with your window open? No.

92: Do you get along with girls? Yep.

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? No.

94: Does sex mean love? No.

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? Nah, we cool.

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? No.

97: Did you sleep alone this week? Yes.

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? That is a strange blanket statement.

99: Do you believe in love at first sight? Sure!

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promised? I haven't the foggiest.

me again

I'm hoping that I'm going through a phase. I'm hoping that I am not actually a person who constantly says embarrassing things to people that I want to impress. I know that these hopes are for naught, because this blog is a written record that, yes, I am a cringe worthy person.
Handsome guy coworker passed through the office today and he said something and then I said something real dumb about how he should go get some cake and I should've said something witty and flattering instead, but my brain definitely isn't quick on it's feet.

I think I have perfected my chocolate chip cookie recipe. It's a good rule of thumb, if you want perfectly circle cookies then don't use a medium sized scoop that you stole(kind of) from taco bell to put 12 cookies on one pan. Only put 6. They still taste great if squished, but they're not very presentable and presentation is everything sometimes.

On to other things, today in the caf I had an experience that was uncomfortable. Usually I'm quite brazen in any given situation, but today I felt like people were eyeballing me in an unkind way and like whisper laughing, you know that thing where someone follows you with their eyes while they're talking and laughing to someone else. Not everything is about me, but it really made me feel that kind of fat person self conscious, the way Rae is in MMFD. That whole college caf situation is anxiety central for me. I do not like going in there, but the hummus and pita chips are really good. Plus another terrible thing, the shirt I wore today fit me badly and I felt out of place in it. Note to self: get rid of that white and tan stripey shirt. It sucks.

Hey here's a flaw that I've developed over time that really makes me terrible: I will have something that I NEED to do and then I'll just think, "Yeah, I'm not doing that."And there is nothing that I have thought of that can make me muster up the unf to do the thing. It's very problematic while trying to finish college.

My  newest vice is peppermints. I have been stealing mints from my coworker and I feel bad so I bought these for myself with some gum in case I'm feeling funky. I keep meaning to bring it to work, but I am so discombobulated in the mornings so I forget. Also, I made this bowl! With my hands!

Ugh that reminds me of portfolio review which is in 2 months.

Cool Kids

I had word vomit in my art history class today. I spoke up about the dumbest things and then immediately felt embarrassed and vowed not to speak again and then I almost compulsively spoke again. Like once I even said, "Oh, yeah, I totally hate dreams. The worst things happen while you're dreaming." I said that in front of twenty other people. And with this professor, you can tell when he thinks what you're saying is dumb because he changes the subject really quick. Most of the time the class feels like a big inside joke that only the kids who have had that professor before understand. It's just a touch uncomfortable, but I'm not a petulant child so it's fine.

My coworkers and I had to relocate monday and tuesday while they waxed the floors in our building and we went to this building across campus that also has staff from our department in it. I got to talk to one of my other coworkers that I almost never get to see which is a cryin' shame because of how handsome he is. There are rumors floating around that my boss and M and I might have to permanently move over there. The only thing I don't like about it is the parking is horrible over there. Otherwise, if we do move, I'll get to talk to a cute boy erryday and that is almost worth the horrible parking. 

Y'all I have TWO lovely concerts to look forward to in October. I am ultra excited.

I like the idea of a pineapple having arms and wearing sunglasses. If I drew this again, and I might just, I would not use this pattern for the yellow part, it looks ridiculous.

Oh hey, in case you noticed, the Chantilly Lace banner that's usually at the top is temporarily gone until I make a new one. I'm being a fancy art student and learning how to use adobe illustrator so it may not be soon, but I will make my own word art instead of using some font that I downloaded from the internet and could get sued for. Getting sued is really not in my budget.

human thesaurus

Remember how in a previous post, I mentioned that I was going to draw more because I was taking a drawing class and drawing is kind of okay and plus I'm an art major so I should do more art stuff. So I've decided to do more art stuff. I've been thinking about this blog lately and what I could do to liven it up a bit. I've had such a hard time finding anything to write about. Not all of my posts are gold, but they are all things I'm at least interested in. I've kept this blog up mainly because I love to journal, & in this I can edit easily and without inhibitions. I can never bring myself to physically write in a book on the reg. Plus I've always been the kind of person that wants a tiny bit of attention so I like sharing on the internet. I'm saying all that to say that I'm going to post a sketchbook page every so often. Maybe consistently. I am famously consistently inconsistent so we'll see. But at least I'm not just going to mention it and then forget about actually starting it because here's the first one!

This is a blind contour self portrait. I drew it over the summer because I had to for class. It sucks but I like it.

I made this decision to add more drawy art stuff with huge influence from this cool person Sarah. She's doing this thing called 'get messy' and it seems really fun, and while it is very inspiring, that level of structure is too much for my livelihood. I followed her links to the other 'get messy' blogs and this one in particular is pretty damn sweet. I just want to post my sketchbook and so I will. Plus I'm enamored with handwriting(including my own) and I so want to have more of it on here.


Speaking of previous posts, I am still enthralled with this song by Bastille that I mentioned in this post. I've never been the kind of person to dissect the meaning behind a song. Most of the time, I like a song because of the way the words sound coming out of someone's mouth. You know? Like the way a word feels. But not in an emotional type way, more a physical way, but obviously you can't actually touch a word. Kind of similar to how some textures are pleasing while others are irksome. Is this too artsy fartsy or do other people think this way too? Anyway, in the song Dan sings either "There's a hole in my soul, I can't feel it, I can't feel it" or "There's a hole in my soul, I can't fill it, I can't fill it." Deductive reasoning would suggest that it is "fill it" because hole and stuff, but I dunno. I don't really care to look it up. I like to think about the differences while I'm listening to the song.

The other day, the girl I work with(I've never mentioned her before now, but she started in our office near the beginning of summer.) was writing something for class and asked P & I about a word or something and P was like, "Oh ask Annabelle she's the English person" and then M laughed and said, "Are you a human thesaurus?" I told her that alas, I am not, and I must rely on the google machine to do all the dirty work. I think that would be my dream super power. How lame! But still, I would love it.

That reminds me of one of my favorite conversations I ever had with Dr. G about his overuse of words. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away when I was in his class, I pointed out that he says things & crap & stuff a lot. Did not point that out to bust his balls. Just made an observation. I just notice those kinds of things because I love a thesaurus. He gave this lovely analogy of how I'm like that character in Lord of the Rings that stabbed somebody & left a little piece in & now it just hurts. I miss him and our banter!

G and I watched Bad Words a few days ago and it was kinda cringe-y to watch with her. If you knew her you'd understand. It was a good movie though. Solid. It had a good moral, too. Which was: Don't be an asshole to anyone. Even if they're being a huge asshole to you. If you retaliate, you will look like the bigger idiot, always.

first week of school completed

Week 2 has begun.
All my professors are men. Which I find strange for some reason. It's good though because I like guy singers better than girl singers and I think that equates here somehow.
Last week, my Art history professor put me on the spot and asked me to name a celebrity and I could only think of Brad Pitt. Immediately after I said it I thought of something better to say because I felt like it was lame to say Brad Pitt, even though he's a perfectly alright actor. I should've said Chris Pratt.
My birthday came and went. I had a really great time. My mom "surprised" me with a Doctor Who party. I say "surprised" because I knew it was happening and I knew what the theme was. The cake she made was my most favorite cake of all time. It was a 4 layer cake and I probably ate a whole layer. I celebrated with some of my most favorite people and I got enough birthday money to buy myself some new threads. A lot of people wished me a happy birthday and that was #humblebrag.
Everything is good.

Flaws

I always have to pee when I sit downstairs for our secretary at work. And I can't just get up and leave because something really important will happen if I'm not answering the phones.
For some reason, this year it's really bothering me that there are people in my life who I'd consider important and they can't remember when my birthday is. It's such a trivial thing to be upset about. It's like how I get a dozen emails about my birthday from companies during the whole month of August. That's not a bad thing. It's nice actually. But when it's real people, it bothers me.

Hey download this game it's cool and my friend made it

summertime sadness

I grew up with him. I laughed at his jokes and he taught me all my best jokes. I have watched at least one of his movies every year since I can remember being alive. He seemed to play serious and witty and kind and never mean-hearted characters. Characters that were role models. Not perfect, but undeniably good.

I love what John Green had to say, "One never knows the interior of someone else's life..." And it makes me wonder if people weren't the way that they are (people almost never say I love you to people they don't have a romantic relationship with, myself included.) and they showed this outpouring of love before he committed suicide, like they are now, would he still have done it. That just shows you how much I know about depression I guess. And how little we really know about other people's lives.
Death sucks. It's something that is so inevitable and so common; I feel like it shouldn't be a big deal, but it's always a big deal. It rips and shreds and crushes and leaves everybody ruined in its wake.


Genie, I'm gonna miss you.

desperate

I had to get my teeth cleaned today. I mostly enjoy going to the dentist. Not because of the procedures, but because I know that my dentist will give me attention. Like flirty attention. Not just regular doctor patient attention. Today, he was like, "I don't know if you know this but you've got something purple in your hair." And the assistant goes, "I think I should put some purple in my hair, but I don't know because I may never be able to get it back out of my blonde once I put purple in." And then he goes, "Hey you can't put purple in your hair because people will go 'why does this grandma have purple hair' but she[talking about me] can because she's young and cute." It was kinda mean to the assistant lady, but he called me cute so. Is it creepy for me to want my dentist to flirt with me? I don't really care. I will take any flirtations at this point.
I had a really cute snapchat conversation last night and it woke an old crush. It's totally lame of me because he lives far away and also hasn't shown any interest, but I can't help it. And I really think it's better to pine over a real person rather than a fictional one. (Peter Quill) [I would also like to note that I've loved Chris Pratt for a long time and I'm glad everybody else has caught up.]
They put this flouride stuff on my teeth and it's in this sticky paste form and she got it on my cheek so now my face is ultra sticky. I want to use goo gone or something to get it off, but I'm unsure if that's non toxic.

Dan Smith is a god. Listen to that sweet sweet voice.

Once upon a midnight dreary

I am still so sore from shaking my ass for 4 hours on wednesday. I used stomach and hip muscles that I don't normally use. The New Politics/Paramore/Fall Out Boy concert was no disappointment. I want to see New Politics by themselves when they headline in the fall. The only uncomfortable thing of the night was when Smells got unusually hostile about the traffic. I didn't even think it was that bad, but she flipped her shit. I don't understand impatience. That was odd and I didn't like that. Everything else went smoothly. Back to New Politics though, the lead singer was so handsome and lovely. He is an excellent dancer and that was absolutely the best part of the whole thing.


I just watched The Reader. God what a sad movie. Now I can't sleep.

Semi charmed kind of life

As it happens, I was hyping up the last two days of my trip way too much. They were good those last couple of days, but we didn't really go on any adventures. On Friday, we lazed around and went to mt. Lebanon for ice cream and Mrs. K shared an Italian hoagie with me. We talked about the ultimate question again. (The one about which TV shows you'd pick to watch the rest of your life.) Mr. K turned on The Great Escape and we watched and talked. One by one, everybody went to bed and I finished the movie. The ending was a bummer.
Saturday, I met more of Calub's family and friends and Mr. K fed us delicious food all afternoon. Spent lots of time adoring a precious baby.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Anyway, I found out that one of the K's family friends shares a birthday with me. It's funny how common it is to have the same birthday as a stranger.
On Sunday, Mr. K woke me up and made me a biscuit and then we packed the car. Received lots of hugs and kisses from Mr. & Mrs. K. I had the first leg of the trip back. Calub directed me to the interstate then promptly slept for 2 hours. Then we switched and I slept for 3 hours. I think after that we were fully awake.
The craziest thing happened when we pulled into a gas station in Munfordville, KY and I still can't believe it happened. My cousin Justin was standing there in the gas station waiting on me when I got out of the bathroom. He was like hey what's up, my buddy and I just got back from a show in Louisville. ISN'T THAT CRAZY? I think it totally is. I could've stopped at the gas station down the street and never would've run into him.

It's back to the old grindstone today. Kind of. I had to go drop my car off today at the body shop to get the new hood put on and now I get to drive a rental car for the week. I'm not the biggest fan of it, but it's mostly because tons of strangers have driven it and that makes me feel gross and it's nothing against the car. I'm making a mix cd for it right now because I've been spoiled by siriusxm radio and regular radio sucks.

P.S. Here's that weird looking balloon animal. I gave it to my brother because he was obsessed with balloon animals for about three days awhile back. He said the motorcycle was cool but the mewtwo on top was dumb.

Pa

The drive up to PA was sooooo long, but not unbearable.

I find it very funny how little has changed with Calub's parents. They may have gotten a little louder, but they were pretty loud before. Calub's mom calls Calub's dad "babes" and it's really cute.

Calub has been so good to put up with doing all of the things that I've wanted to do this week. We spent a lot of time in the art section of the Carnegie Museum and also a lot of time in the Andy Warhol museum, which I adored and Calub visibly did not adore those places. I also had the idea to visit the Pennsylvania Amish and it was underwhelming, not the Amish, but I think we went during a slow part of the year. I did get a bag of delicious whiskey pretzels from a winery out in Volant, Pa that made the day trip all worth it.

We've also spent a lot of time this week walking up and down city streets. Because Calub's really nice, we went in all of the shops I wanted to. So that means we went in all the candy shops and all the kitchen stores. This one candy shop we went to called Grandpa Joe's on the strip gets an A+ from me because it had all of the candy. I found it very overwhelming to decide so I settled on a jawbreaker from there.

Calub, his parents and I went to this place that over looks the city and I keep forgetting what it's called. I keep wanting to call it Mount Overlook, but I know that's not right. It had a breathtaking view up there.
Pictures can't do it justice.

Yesterday, I got a tattoo! One of Calub's family members knew a guy that he liked to get tattoos from so I figured, what the heck. Might as well commemorate my trip with a tattoo. I liked the tattoo artist a lot actually. He was really gentle and everything, albeit a little crooked on the line work. I'll keep you updated on whether or not my leg falls off.

Side note: I had to wear pajamas to the tattoo shop because I didn't bring any shorts or sweatpants.

Today, Calub is staying at a family member's house and I've spent the evening with his parents. You might think this strange, but really it was fine. Of course, his parentals flipped when they kept talking about him not being there with us, but they just miss him. He wanted to spend time with some dudes and I am totally down for him doing that. We've spent a whole lotta time with each other this week. We actually had a lot of adventures without him. (Sorry, Calub.) We stopped at Andy Warhol's grave site because it's so close to their house and we met this crazy lady who encourages people to write notes to Andy Warhol and then she reads them to him. She really was cuckoo. And then we went to Primanti Bros and I had a hot sausage sandwich that I kind of liked everything except for the sausage in. I'm funny about sausage and I don't know what I was thinking ordering it. Got caught up in the moment, I guess. Anyway, Mr. & Mrs. K bought my dinner for the second time this week which was sooo very nice and I need to come up with an idea to repay them. Difficult, but I'm sure I'll think of something. Also, I got a balloon animal from Primanti because Mrs. K saw it and asked about it and I love that she's the kind of person to always ask strangers whatever she wants. I gotta take a picture of it because it's such a weird looking balloon animal. I bought a shirt from there too, and Calub's going to scoff so hard when he sees it. Haha.

I'm sure there's tons more to come even in the two days we have left.

AHH titles are difficult

Oh my god I'm going to be in Pennsylvania the day after tomorrow! I've been packing for three days now and I still think I've forgotten something, but I always do that. I'm going to overpack.
Tomorrow is my cousin's husband's (cousin-in-law) murder mystery party and I have to play a mathematician who may or may not be the murderer. I made an Einstein shirt for my costume and I'm pumped for it because y'all know how much I love Al. He's my dude. I hope somebody takes pictures.
I'm going to be sleepy though because I'm staying up too late.
Let me just tell you, during packing, I went through my earrings and I have a heartbreakingly high number of cute earrings that have lost their partner. I don't know why I even keep them. I think maybe I'm hoping they will magically turn up. Every time I look at them, though, it just makes me sad. Because I want to wear them but I don't like to wear mismatched earrings. I should get rid of them.


Stay tuned. I'm going to be taking all of the pictures next week.